Feb 2, 2010

How to balance it all?

This afternoon Mop's teacher had a chat to me - regarding Mop's easy tears. It's been happening over the last month or so - she just cries really easily. If she feels any hint of a negative emotion, she cries. It's like she can't recognise emotion or doesn't know how to deal with it and so she just cries.
Her teacher has said that if this doesn't improve by end of the term, she is going to put Mop back in year 1 because she doesn't feel she is emotionally ready for year 1.

I felt terrible.

Poor kid.

I explained what is going on at home and the massive upheaval we have had recently. I explained that I spend so much time on EJ - trying to help him, trying to make his life better... and in the meantime I screw up and Mop ends up a blubbering mess. I'm struggling to balance everything. The teacher was very understanding, and I guess it's up for review a bit later in the term.

I'm feeling another wave of pressure. I feel like I'm drowning again. I am trying so hard and now I feel like I'm failing. I keep getting told what a good mother I am - by EJ's professionals. "You are such a good Mum - you are trying so hard to help him..." yeah... and in the meantime my other child is suffering emotionally. She never complains. She never demands. She gets dissapointed, because when EJ has a bad day, we have to cancel whatever plans we have made. Mop sacrifices a lot for her brother. She hardly ever cries, complains and states that it's not fair. Poor kid.... I've neglected her terribly.

eye tear Pictures, Images and Photos

I asked her today about why she cries all the time, she said "I'm just upset and sad" - I asked her why, and she shrugged. I asked her "Do you get upset because EJ gets so much of our time?". Her lip wobbled, tears threatened to spill... again... "I get very sad."

I need to get this right. I have one shot at parenting and doing it well. I need to do something to balance our lives more. I need to do something....

I'll figure it out. I just hope my kids come out of this, relatively unscathed. Thankfully I see the parenting social worker on Thursday. She'll help me.


Rose.W. said...

I don't know what to say to make it better,and I am hardly one to offer advise but I can say you ARE a great mum. You are doing your best, and you have seen your daughter is hurting and are trying to change that, only a good mother would do that.

I am not sure what is wrong with your son, but I can understand it must be hard.

I can really only send you (((((((BIG HUGS)))))))) and let you know again, you are a wonderful mother doing the best you can.

Anonymous said...

This parenting gig is tough and you should be proud that you are doing so well and raising such wonderful children. There are bound to be ups and downs, this is just a bit of a down for Mop until you get the balance back for her. I think it's a juggling act and gravity means that all the balls can't stay up all the time! Maybe some special Mummy and Mop time each week is needed to help her out?

daph-a-dills said...

Sending lots of prayers and hugs to you. I know the heartache of time management with the kids all too well. My girls have been playing up a lot of late and its because, like you, have been concentrating on our son. You do it without realising it.
I have over the years told myself not to blame myself. I'm only human, and doing the best i can. But i can do better with Gods help, God can guide me how to best manage all this. I pray you will be open to Him at this time and to be a comfort to your Poppy. I don't think she will grow up scarred...she will grow to see the love you had, have for your children, that you did the best you could with what you could, with what you knew.
The past 12 months we feel like we gained 4 steps forward, but in the past month feel we have taken 3 back, with routine of school hols throwing it out for us. Life is chaotic with the boy,frightening now he is starting to wish he was dead... the girls seeking attention and fighting and with hubby having to work 7 days i am about ready to walk out and never return...but a good mum will stay and just keeping trying...no matter if we stuff up, as long as we keep trying.
Hang in there, Praying for you xxx

Car said...

Oh Skip :( I can only imagine how hard it must be to split yourself between three kids, particularly when one needs your attention more than the others. I'm sure you are a doing a great job and try not to be too hard on yourself - you are only human (although somedays I truly think you are superwoman!)

I was thinking to give Mop some special attention - you could teach her how to sew or knit? Now that would be a real mummy/daughter bonding moment.

Stay strong xxx