Feb 28, 2006

The continuing story

Back again... only 3 weeks later!!

OKay so he was born.
And taken away the next minute.

We named him Elijah John. Elijah because Daz and I both liked the name. It's a powerful name, Elijah from the bible was a great man. Hopefully our Elijah is just as great and impacts lives and his world in a powerful way. John after my very dear grandfather, Pops. He passed away 3 and a bit years ago from asbestos related lung cancer. He was very special to me and I was very close to him.

After I got all cleaned up (or while it was happening) the very kind paediatrician came in to fill me in on what was happening with my boy. Turns out he was having problems, exactly the same as what Caitlin had. Born VERY flat, low agpars, they performed CPR while I was still in the bath wondering what on earth happened. He told me what they were up to etc.

Katie had to go home because she was so exhausted and she was very emotional about Elijah. She had done everything according to protocol and yet the poor blighter still didn't have the grand entry we had all imagined. Denise stayed with me and helped me into a wheel chair and wheeled me to SCU to see my boy. It was all de-ja-vu. I saw my son under that oxygen helmet thing, just like Caitlin. Drips and monitors covering him, just like Caitlin. And him crying... my heart almost broke. I was crying when the doctors were explaining things to us. The registrar on was really nice and gentle. Funny but all the nurses and doctors who looked after Caitlin remembered us from last time.

So for a few days Elijah was drugged to the eyeballs with something that made him so sleepy. He rarely opened his eyes. On the second day he was very aggitated from the drugs, but he calmed down when Daz and I held him. Nurses held his hand to keep him quiet overnight.

I wasn't able to feed him untill he was 4 days old. I pumped my breasts desperately trying to get a milk supply going. My milk was syringed into a tube that went into his nose and down his throat, when his kidneys started working again... yeah they packed up as well.

It's funny but it's all getting hazy. I remember having to go to the hospital every 4 hours to breast feed him when they finally allowed that. That was REALLY hard. Caitlin's behaviour went to pot. I have never seen her like it... she was almost demon possessed. Her routine was all out and she didn't cope well with that at all.

When Elijah was 1 week old, we were allowed to take him home FINALLY!!! Never heard such good news in all my life. I was tired from the worry, the going backwards and forwards and trying to deal with the devil incarnate as well. (Don't worry, she went back to being angelic when things settled down)

So fast forward to today. The drugs finally left his system and I now have a very alert hungry little man. He can't get enough milk from me, so I top him up with formula. He is alert when he is awake... but when he sleeps, a tornado whipping through wouldn't wake him. Daz is excellent at waking him up... probably because he has no problems annoying him and disturbing him. Why not? he disturbs me when I sleep... why not torture his boy as well?? LOL Just kidding, coz I know he is reading this!!

Last night Elijah went from waking once in the night for a feed.... to last night... sleeping through the night. I woke with leaking rocks on my chest. Owwww!! I got Daz to wake him up for me because I was dripping all over the place. YUCK!!

Caitlin is doing alot better. Once Daz went back to work, she settle right down. We have Mummy-Caitlin time for an hour or so in the morning and she seems to respond well to that time. Her scream-to-wake-the-dead tantrums have almost stopped completely, she is still arguing but not as much as she did a few weeks ago. (as we speak she is chucking a wobbly because she doesn't want to take a nap! Maybe I spoke too soon) Anyway she is alot more happy and more settled. She has attention seeking behaviour which I will have to nip in the bud. She kicked my Mum today because Mum wasn't giving her the attention she wanted. GRRR!!
That sort of thing is NOT on..

Daz and I are starting to plan our holiday to NT. I can't wait to go. We will have a caravan then and we can drag our little house with us and it's a familiar place for the kiddies. Steve (my brother) will be coming with us so he can check out all those great places as well. I think he wants to climb ayres Rocks. I won't... because I have two babies that I will have to leave behind, and apparently it's REALLY dangerous. And also it's a sacred site to the Aboriginal people. I don't want to disrespect them and their beliefs. Do unto others and all that....

Well that's all folks for now.

Feb 16, 2006

Behold a son is born, and he shall be called Elijah.... the Lord is my Shepherd.

Okay I better get this down before I start to forget. And mercifully I WILL forget this one day.

4am 9/2
I get up to go to do one of my usual trips to the toilet to wee. I feel an unusual sensation. Water was running down my legs. My first thought was I wet myself. But soon reason kicked in... I smelled the liquid. Sweet... not anything wee like about it.
"What?" grunted my slumbering man.
"I think my waters have broken."
Then as if to proove a point, gushed some more and all over my bath mat. THEN contractions kicked in. Owww... I remembered this.
I called the midwife pronto since I was tested positive to Strep B, I needed to get to the hospital and get that drip into me, who knew how quick this labour would be over?

I arrived at the hospital after a very interesting drive down.
First thing was I had to keep getting out of my seat belt and turn around onto all fours every time I had a contraction, which was every 3 minutes. Secondly we realised we forgot the baby's bag. Woops...

I was pacing around the room, trying to walk out the contractions and wasn't successful. I flopped onto a beanbag and also had that drip in. Katie (midwife) popped it in while I was having a contraction, I barely noticed it.

Contractions were progressively worse. I had tried heat backs and Daz tried pushing into my back (where most of the pain was) and it wasn't helping. I thought about getting in the shower... but I thought "this will be quick, so I should get into the bath to soften this perinium"

Hubby was getting bored with me rolling about in the bath, trying to ease contractions. I was getting bored as well when I wasn't trying to ease the pain. So he went to the canteen and bought a crossword puzzle book. At least now when I was having a contraction I had something to think about.... the last clue.

Pain was getting progressively worse. My dialation was slow. I was about 5cm at this time. I was getting very annoyed by Katie wanting to listen to the baby's heartbeat every 15 minutes. She was sticking to protocol like a trooper, because of my birthing history.

I was dying. The pain was all in my back now and NOTHING was easing it. I had to get out of the bath to have an ultrasound because katie suspected the baby had done a flip. She couldn't find the heartbeat in the right spots. I was writhing about on the bed while they looked at what this kid was doing. He had done a flip. His spine was now smack bang against mine and that's why I was in so much pain in my back.

I was now officially over it. I was pushing my body against the back of the bath, trying to add some pressure to my back. I was yelling every contraction. And by the end of this hour I was sobbing. "God make it end, have mercy on me!" I was praying.

If there is hell on earth, I was there. Katie offered me gas. I said no because I didn't want to puke as well as cry! I was screaming during contractions now. I hope I didn't scare anyone in the hospital.... too bad now.
4:15pm "I NEED TO PUSH!!"
Katie rounded up another midwife because since I was having a water birth, it was protocol to have her there. She was my back up midwife from when I had Caitlin. Denise was her name.
So I squatted in the water and began to push. I could feel the head beginning to descend. I also felt my hemmaroids pop out... "Hmm you are gonna need some ice packs after this is all over." commented Katie. Thanks for that... :)
The pain was terrible. Lactic acid was burning in my legs from the contractions, I struggled to get into a position to deliver. My water had red mucous and poo floating about from my pushing... I was so embarressed that katie had to scoop out my poo! LOL
I pushed and pushed, screaming with my effort. Then I felt the head beginning to crown. I put my hand down there and felt the hair on it's head. I pushed some more- let me tell you I hate the phrase "PUSH!" I was friggin pushing!!! Then I had the most awful sensation. What I thought was the baby moving around in my birth canal was actually the baby's shoulders getting stuck and it slipped back up. If felt awful.
Pushing and pushing and pushing.... nothing was happening. So katie went down to the nether regions and began to manually "open" me up. In my words she was ripping me apart trying to free this kid's head. It was very very very painful. I was envisioning a heck of an embroidery task for whoever was going to stitch me up. Denise held my hand, brave woman because I bet I squished the crap out of it. She soothed me and put a cold flannel on my face. It was like having my Mum there.... she was just perfect. When Katie's attempt to help the baby out failed, Denise told me that I would have to stand to deliver. So I wouldn't be able to have a water birth.
I didn't care at that point. I just wanted the baby out. Things get a bit hazy around here. I remember putting my foot up on the side of the bath and I hung on and bore down, pushing with all my being. I pushed and pushed, screaming and screaming. I remember things getting busy, I could hear people behind me, I wasn't sure what was going on. Katie AND Denise were frantically trying to pull him out. What seemed like forever, I pushed the head out. There was some mention of the umbilical cord around his neck. Then I was told to push again for the body, his shoulders were stuck. The midwives played tug of war with my child. Yanking him and pulling him... till finally with a hot gush, he was out!!! Hot blood burned my legs and splattered to the bottom of the bath along with meconium. I burst into tears, thank God it was over. To my surprise the unbilical cord swung between my legs with scissors attatched to it. What the???
I tried to turn around to see my baby.... but it was gone. WHAT??? Denise was right beside me... "he just needs some help to get going. He is a bit flat." Little did i know that they were doing CPR on him at that very moment. I heard alot of talking and noise in the next room. I burst into tears for the millionth time that day. "I didn't even get to see what it is!!!"
I then think my body went into shock. I couldn't move from my current position. I was hanging onto the railing, my legs felt like lead jelly. I was shaking uncontrollably. Denise wrapped me in a warm blanket and helped me out of the bath.
"It's a BOY!" was Daz's jubilant proclomation, when he finally got to have a look at what sex the baby was! A BOY!!!
I tried to stand and watch while they worked on my boy, but it was all too much for me. I fell onto the bed and struggled to stay conscious. Denise helped me into bed and then said that we needed to deliver the placenta. She told me to push, but I shook my head. I couldn't even muster enough energy to move my hair out of me face.
I was given some drug into my IV line and a few minutes later a felt a hot mass be pulled from my body and more hot blood scolded my body.
They took my son away to the special care unit and I felt that horrible feeling returning... the one that I had managed to forget about when they took Caitlin to SCU. Fear, and heartache. I didn't even get to hold him... or touch him. 9 months of having him with me, then yanked out and taken away.... all that effort and I had nothing to show for it.
Denise checked me out to see what the damage was and how much stitching I would need. She came up with the most shocked expression on her face.... "I don't know how... but you don't need one stitch!"
I don't know HOW I got away with that!! I pushed out an 8lb 14.5oz baby with extremely rough handling and came away without a scratch.

I am going to have to continue this post another time. I need to get going.....

stay tuned.

Feb 5, 2006


Caitlin pooped on the toilet..... not only that, she TOLD ME she wanted to poo on the toilet. I didn't catch her mid-poo, I didn't sit her there and tell her to do one, SHE TOLD ME SHE NEEDED TO!! This has been a long time coming and I see the end of the endless toilet training tunnel!!!

Since she was just after 2, we have been perservering and bribing and trying to get her to use the toilet. Lately she suddenly just "got it" and I am SOOOO greatful!! I want her out of nappies (daytime) by the time the baby arrived.....

I have no greater pleasure than hanging up tiny little knickers on the washing line. Time to chuck those trainers..

"By george! She's got it!"