I'm cross!

MEMO TO CHILDREN:

Dear Children.

1. Obedience is not optional in this household. What I says, goes. When I speak, it's not to exercise my jaw. When I direct you, I expect you to do EXACTLY what I say. When I say "Eat your apple at the table" - that cannot be interpreted as: "Eat your apple on the lounge in front of the TV."
When I say goodnight to you, tuck you into bed and say "Go to sleep." - that does not mean get up and go play in your brother's bedroom. Or play with your toys. It means exactly what I say - GO TO SLEEP!!

2. Do not lie to me. Refer to point number 1. This is not an option. DO. NOT. LIE. TO. ME. This infuriates me. This will make something that may have not received consequences, very dire indeed. When you chop your hair off, and you have a very ridiculous looking short bit in the middle of your forehead - and I see the long locks on the floor, DO. NOT. LIE. I know it's not your brothers. He has a massive issue with haircuts - he wouldn't even think of cutting his own. Besides, he has short hair. VERY short hair.
I know the body language of liars. Don't even think about trying to pull wool over my eyes. I am THE MUM. I know all. I see all. I am like Santa Clause - I know if you have been naughty or nice. So speak the truth and your life will be worth living. If unsure, refer to point #1

3. Stop being feral. For goodness sake, what is wrong with you all? Do not follow me around whinging. Do not follow me around bleating. Do not follow me around FULL STOP! You have toys! Lots of them! You have brand new toys from Christmas. PLAY. WITH. THEM. You have dress ups, Leggo, train sets, coloring, craft, play doh, water play, outdoor equipment, bikes, tramps, dolls, etc.... PLAY WITH THEM. Why do you feel the need to play with my pegs? Or better still, give the dog my peg basket to munch on for afternoon tea! Do not empty the box of tissues "Just in case" you need them. If in doubt, refer to point #1.

4. Since when has the rule of keeping bedroom toys in the bedroom suddenly become obsolete?? It still stands. So pick them up. Put them in your room. Do not bring them out where I can stand on it, break it - I am not expecting Polly Pocket to be outside my bedroom floor. And while we are at it, WHY are your thongs in MY bathroom????? HUH???? Do not build cubby houses in the lounge and leave it there for me to clean up.

5. And I am going to say this anyway but just in case you are actually listening to me this time:
"Shut the door, the flies are getting in!"
"Play with outside toys, OUTSIDE."
"No you can't have anything to eat."
"Stop dobbing, unless he's killing you, I'm not interested."
"SHUT THAT BLASTED DOOR!"
"Stop making the dog bark."
"WHY IS THAT DOOR OPEN????? Now I know you weren't born in a tent!!"
"STOP throwing things at the wall!"
"Stop jumping on the beds, you have a perfectly good tramp outside."
"I am on the toilet, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"
"Do you have a death wish? SHUT THE DOOR! There are more flies inside than out!!"

And if in doubt, please refer to point number one.

Signed: your ever loving Mother.

PS. If you throw that ball around the house one more time my foot will be so far up your backside, you will have to move my toes aside to brush your teeth!!!!!




*** please understand that this is a vent. I do not intend to kick their oracle so hard that my foot comes out there mouth. I just feel better thinking it.. and writing it!***