We don't do things by halves!

Once upon a time, there was an amazing couple


with three very attractive children



See what I mean? Very attractive...

Anyway... this amazing couple were eager to go away to celebrate their 12th wedding anniversary. So they booked in at a caravan park at Port Broughton, packed up their caravan (newly repaired from a bingle with a pole) and headed out to the caravan park. The kids were all excited. The couple were all excited. Approximately 40kms away from their destination they heard and almighty BANG and then the feeling of the car shuddering. The woman looked out her window and saw sparks flying from under the caravan and the dude attempted to pull the car over. She got out of the car and took a look - the whole wheel was missing!!! WHAT??



They looked back at the huge scrape of the road and saw the wheel a hundred meters or so back.


This was not good. The caravan was taking up the majority of the lane. They didn't know what happened! A car approached, slowed down and three guys got out of the car, asking if we were ok. They were, but the caravan wasn't! They said they saw a policeman at the town  that they had just driven through and the blokes offered to go back and get him to help out. The couple thanked them and accepted their offer.
The couple assessed the damage. The wheel was cactus. The axle had seen better days and the new side that we had just gotten repaired had been given a dint by the wheel flying off! This was not good!! The couple glanced nervously at the field near the road, full of waving, ripe wheat. One spark from the wheel could have set that whole thing on fire! EEK! So the dude got on the phone with the insurance company to work out what our options were. The guys came back saying that they had found the policeman and he was on his way. One of the younger guys said "I'm going to pray with you, if that's ok" and he offered a simple prayer for help and guidance. The lady was gobsmacked! She had never seen anyone be so open with their faith with a perfect stranger before.

Then the policeman arrived. He assessed the damage and asked a few questions. He helped find a towing company for the couple and waited with the family for 3 1/2 hours, blocking the lane where the caravan rested until the caravan was taken away. The policeman seemed interested in their choice of name for their son, he said it seemed very Biblical - which it is! It turned out that he was a Christian man as well! He looked over the caravan and car and said that the couple were very blessed that the car didn't flip over, because he had seen many like this that had not turned out so well. The couple thanked the Lord that they were safe and unharmed.

Then the towtruck turned up and it kinda looked like this - red and blue flashes, with the orange, who needs Christmas lights eh?...


What a shamozzle that was! It took a very long time to get it on the back of the truck because of the missing wheel. A few more things were broken and then finally after the dude helped the towie haul the injured caravan onto the truck.  Under police escort they had to drive back about 30 minutes to a major town, and dropped the caravan off at a wrecking yard/depot. Then they all headed back home again. The children were upset because their holiday didn't even start. The lady could have cried with them because she so desperately needed a break. So they decided they would look for a cabin in the morning and head back out. They arrived home at 1am. What a very long day!

The next morning the couple piled the kids into the car once more...

This time they were headed to a completely different town...



It was quiet, quaint and really what they needed.



They had a whole beach to themselves.... I know.. rough right?





(Malibu and pineapple juice - the perfect summer bevvy!)



So in the end the couple celebrated their 12 years together, surrounded by sea water and having a quiet restful weekend. They were refreshed by the end, enough to gird their loins for the next few weeks of craziness that lays ahead for them.

Even though it didn't turn out so well for the caravan, they are blessed. Blessed to have met lovely people, blessed to have not had a more serious accident, blessed to have been given an opportunity to go away and rest and relax with their children. Yes. Blessed. God is good!

Happy birthday to me.... YIKES!

On the 21st of December was my birthday. I had a lovely day relaxing with my Mum, my kids and Daz. We didn't do anything real exciting, which was fine by me. I just enjoyed the simplicity and relaxing activities of the day, and being spoiled with gifts and love. That evening we headed out to look at Christmas lights, which is a tradition in our family.

(Excuse the dodgy photos, but it's soooo much easier uploading photos from my iPhone instead of the SLR)

(This one is in time to music!!)



Towards the end of the evening, we dropped into a petrol station to get the kids an icecream. As I was getting out the car, I noticed the attendant RUNNING madly around the register and over to the door. As the kids piled out of the car, the attendant had locked the doors and put a sign up saying it was only fuel purchases only. I was annoyed. How rude! Little did I know that God was putting us in position for something important.

We had to travel further north to get an icecream, and then head back to the route we were going to take to look at the rest of the lights and head home. That added 15 extra minutes to our outing. And those 15 minutes were going to count. We headed home, tired and happy - then as we were whizzing past homes towards our own home, I turned to look at all the dark homes, and saw flames engulfing one living room of one house. FIRE!! "Honey that house is on fire!!" I said urgently, who promptly did a u-turn and we headed back. Thank goodness my Daz is not a "Someone else will get it" sort of person! The house looked abandoned, as some of those houses are, so Daz pulled out his phone and started to call emergency and I stayed in the car. "What number is the house?" he asked, but my night vision is so terrible, I had to get out of the car and walk right across the road and stand in front of the mail box to see the number. God used my dreadful eyesight, because to my horror I could hear banging and screaming from the inside of the house. There were people stuck inside! All the windows were covered in security screens, locking the tennants in the burning house. I ran back across the road to and told Daz to tell 000 that there were people trapped inside, and then I ran back over trying to work out where the banging was coming from. I couldn't pick it. I scanned the house looking for faces, or anything that would tell me where they were. A man pulled up behind our car, noticing me running backward and fowards across the road franticly and after seeing the flames, he jumped out of his car. I yelled out to him, "There are people trapped inside!!"

By now the whole living room was ablaze and the glass was popping and there were small explosions in the house. I was utterly terrified, but that man bravely assessed and worked out where the banging and screaming was coming from. They were trapped in the adjacent garage, right next to the flames. He ran over and quickly opened the door, and out came 3 children, their grandmother, a heavily pregnant mother and the father from a cloud of smoke. I lead the three children and the grandmother out and up to the footpath, the children sobbed and looked back at the flames with terror in their little faces. Something I cannot erase from my mind. It's stuck there forever I think! I turned back to see if the rest of the family were following, but the father had collapsed on the ground, metres away from the exploding glass and the terrible heat of the flames. The man who let them out had gone looking for a hose or something so I was alone. It was far too dangerous to be this close to the house, the flames were getting bigger and quickly taking over the house. I went back for him grabbed his shoulders and shook him "Mate you can't stay here, it's too dangerous, you need to get up!" He didn't move.  "Common!! You have to move!" I said more urgently. The heat of the fire was burning my face and I was absolutely terrified (My lips were cracked and sore after that 30 second encounter with the flames) Somehow I managed to get him to hear me, hauled him up and lead him to the footpath where it was safer.

I looked back at the flames and the roof had caught alight!! Fire is not a slow mover, let me tell you!!! I stood with the family as they watched their home burning before their eyes, saying nothing and just allowing them to cry and sob. Daz asked them about gas, did they have gas in the house? Yes they did? Where was the mains? They had no idea. The neighbours who had gathered to spectate, heard us say "Gas" and all quickly retreated to the other side of the road.

The fireys arrived within 10 minutes and made quick work of the flames, that by now had taken over half the house. A medic arrived not long after that, and I quickly spoke to him about the father and that he needs to be treated for shock. The medic told me he couldn't treat him straight away, and the children were his priority. He asked me to stay with the father and monitor him until he was able to get there. Daz helped the fireys, relaying the information we had learned from the family, as the family stood by shocked and relatively incoherant, unable to think clearly and quickly. There is gas, but unsure where the mains are, there are pets inside.... I learned as I stood with the family, that it was deliberately lit, someone threw a flammable bomb into the living room, where the father was sleeping, surrounding him in flames. This was then passed on to the fireys who then taped off the whole area.  

God really put us in that place at the exact right moment so that lives would be saved, and we could help. Not many cars were driving down the road at that time of night... and it's likely that if we didn't see the flames, no one would have seen it until too late. 5 minutes later and that family could have well died of smoke inhalation in that garage, or burned from the roof that was burning above them.  If we had gotten our ice creams from the first service station, it is likely we would have driven past this house that would still be sleeping and dark - with a fire just about to be lit.

And next time something inconvenient happens again, like that service station attendant did... I am not going to complain. God could be positioning me for something else... although I hope it's not as crazy as this last episode!!!  

Crazy days!

I can't believe it's been so long since the school year started. It's been crazy busy over here as our lazy summer days have turned into a strict routine. Having an extra kid in school, even though he isn't home, is still incredibly busy. When the kids come home, it's crazy!! 2 lots of homework to help them with, 2 lots of reading, 2 lots of words, whether they be spelling or sight words. It's nuts!!

Milly settled into Kindy very quickly and as soon as she arrives she waves goodbye to me and runs off. At first I was just a teeny bit miffed... she could have at least PRETENDED to need me!! But once I saw how hard it was for mum's with kids who were hanging on to their legs, crying, I became grateful for my independent little lady. She is a social little butterfly, and at floor time, she is always in the very middle of all the kids!

Mop has had a bit of a rough start to the year. She has been teary and tired and has struggled with the long days, plus all the homework that comes home afterwards. She hasn't been sleeping particularly well either which makes it worse. She got hit in the eye by some boy (who was promptly disciplined) throwing a cricket set at her, and she sported a swollen bruised eye for a few days. Poor kid. She loves her new teacher though, who seems to be this really cool, laid back, Uncle type of guy. She comes home full of enthusiasm about all she is learning and doing, which is good!

Then there is EJ. He's taking a lot longer to adjust. He cries and whines and whinges all morning while getting ready for school. He cries and whinges and rants when you leave him at school. He settles down fairly quickly though, then enjoys the day at school. Then when it's time to pick him up, he will be melting down in the carpark (which is awful!) and he meltdown multiple times during the afternoon, until bedtime. It's hard. If he can't settle down soon, I may make an appointment with his psychologist to try and help him. He HAS to go to school - I can't keep him home when he starts up, otherwise he develops a pattern and will continue to do that, expecting me to keep him home.
Since starting school his language has gone backwards which means he is in sensory overload. Understanding what he is saying is becoming a task and a half. So EJ hasn't faired so well, poor little guy.

I started Uni last week, and I'm enrolled in Sociology and Psychology - both very interesting subjects so far. The work load of psychology is a doozy, but sociology is pretty light so they balance each other out.

A few weeks ago, a friend of ours gave us a piano to use for Mop as she learns. Their friends own it, but are overseas living currently and have no plans as yet to come back to Australia. So we have it. Mop loves playing on it, and I love to listen to her tinkling on the ivories every day for her practice.

Last week I started going to a craft group - on thursdays. It was nice to sit with my quilting with a few other young mum's and have a gasbag. Last week I also started going back to the gym. Now that I have a few free mornings, I am going in the morning, and Zumba classes start up next week so I'll be attending those 2 nights a week.

So the days are filling up with all sorts of busyness - and we are starting to get into a rhythm which is nice. I dislike wasting time, and pride myself on good time management. I get asked all the time, "How do you ever fit everything in?" I just do. :)

Daz and I have been planning a trip away over Easter. Our past plans have always been to go visit Nick and Bec in Brisbane, but they have moved to New York now, so that is a bit unachievable. So this year we are heading to Canberra. We will catch up with our many friends there, see the sights and then head down to Melbourne where we start our trek home along the Great Ocean Road. I have been wanting to do the Ocean Road for many years now, and you can't imagine just how excited I am to do it!!

This weekend we had some very sad news, which has rocked our family. Some close friends of ours, which we see very often, and our children are great friends, called us to tell us some news about their son. Their 3 year old little boy (who is also best friends with Milly moo) had been diagnosed with Leukaemia and treatment is commencing today. It was dreadful listening to the father share what was happening, while he was breaking down in tears. I was shocked. Very shocked. All we can do is pray and stand with them as they walk this awful journey of cancer and chemo.  It was hard telling the children about what was going on. Milly doesn't fully understand, she thinks that he has an ouchie in his bones, and he's in hospital, but that's ok, because you get iceblocks for morning tea in hospital!  If you are a praying person, and believe that God can intervene, please pray for the little boy and his family. He is 3 years old, still a baby really, and he's facing the fight of his life. The family are struggling to come to terms with this, naturally. They need all the divine help they can get!

So life has been definitely up and down all over the place. I hope that things start to settle down as we adjust to everything.

Dear Lord....

...please protect my son from himself....



... AND HIS MOTHER!!!!


EJ is going through a very annoying stage.... he's stealing stuff. We gently tried to explain that he can't just help himself to stuff, he needs to ask. But crackdown HAD to happen when he handed me an empty bottle of 100 kids multi-vitamins (previously mostly full) and said we needed more "lollies". He had gone into the pantry and fossicked around the shelves and found them, took them outside and shared them with his baby sister!!!! Oh. My. GOODNESS!!! I nearly had a heart attack. I rang health direct pronto and we went through the ingredients. Thankfully there were no ingredients that were dangerous if they overdosed.... I have no idea how he knew what they were!!! Mop is the only one who has them, and only if she is run down.

I only got 15 new grey hairs that day.

Mum thought it was funny.
The Health Direct lady was chuckling.
I'm yet to find the funny side.

How to lose 16 grand, your car and your mind in 3 weeks.

First of all - it's imperative that you start out completely and utterly exhausted. You know. Run a marathon. Stay up until 3am every day for a month, then get up at 6am as usual. Move every single piece of your furniture into a different spot in the house. Work on a 5 million word essay continuously until it's done. Read a pile of text books that brush your ceilings. It is only then that you are in the state of mind to embark on this journey. After all, sleep is for the weak!

When exhaustion is deeply imbeded in your body, it makes the journey all the more exciting. When you are extremely exhausted, then take your planned holiday. Your mind will start to unwind slightly and your body will start to lose the stiffness bought on by stress. A relaxed body is perfect for the whiplash you are going to feel after the whole journey is behind you.

Now, while you start your driving holiday, get a tantilisingly small glimpse of the fun you are about to have, think about how amazing it will be to *sigh* do nothing for the next 4 weeks. Start to feel the tension kinks in your body start to release. Start to get into "holiday mode". Think relatively positive thoughts, because this is the only time this will be allowed.

At about 90% of the journey to your first holiday destination, start to get really excited. You are going to see your best friend really soon. 4 hours left!! Then wait for it. It will come. That noise. Do you hear it?? That terrible deep motor grinding noise? That's it! You are on your way!!!!

Get out of the car and stick your head in the bonnet and pretend to know exactly what you are looking for. Your husband should do the same. Pretending to look for something holds off the inevitable. Peer into the gaps, look at each other and say "It sounds terrible, we better call Roadside assistance."

Roadside assistance will tell you to drive to the local mechanic - which is at the other end of town. Hang your head in embarrassment as the whole entire street filled with shoppers and gasbaggers stop what they are doing and stare at you because the terrible sound from your car has attracted their attention. You can't move too fast, because the car is in awful shape, so that will prolong the humiliation.

Get comfortable in the driveway of the mechanics, and get your kids ready to sit in the sun for the next half a day, because that is where you will be until a tow truck can be organised. Yes. It will need towing, because how would you lose your car if it could be repaired on the spot??

Try and work out how to get your sorry behinds... all five of them to your destination. Bus and then train? Illegally squeezing them in the cab of the tow truck. Uh no. Sit there and stare at each other and pray like mad that something better comes up. Relish the feeling of complete uselessness and the panic you feel when it's out of your control.

Suddenly it's going to look really positive. Things will begin to start looking better, and not as bad as they seem. Grapple at this concept, because it will make the dissapointment later on more crushing. We did this when the tow truck offered to take the car to our destination for repairs. We would be close to the car making it more convenient to pick up when it was repaired. It is going to be ok. Be dillusional. It's ok. Everything will be ok.

Don't worry, someone will show you some compassion and help you get to your destination. For example, in our situation - the mechanic and his wife, had what I call a God sense of compassion - because they lent us their lovely big car to drive the rest of the way to Brisbane, while they towed our car to Brisbane and then tow their car back home again. They also offered to hold our caravan in their yard until the car is repaired to pick up again. What dear people!! A positive moment - embrace and relish in it. Enjoy the warmth that surrounds your heart. Soar on that positive moment. It won't last long. You will crash later on. It's all part of the journey.



Now while your car is being assessed and repaired, try and get a hire vehicle. Now because of the time of year you chose to travel in, nothing will be available except luxury cars that would cost us the same price for a brand new car! Stress over the fact that you are going to be stuck - or battling public transport with 3 kids - and one of those kids is now extremely feral because no therapy has been happening! Embrace the meltdowns, the screaming, the crying, the aggressive behavior. It's all part of the journey.

Now something will come up - another positive - you will manage to organise something. For us, we had at our disposal, my bestie's car, while she and her family went in N's car - which is is his luxury work car. Have an amazing few days looking around at great places all over the general area. Let your mind and body relax again. You need your mind to slow down and the stress start to melt away slowly. You need this false sense of security to make the huge blow at the end more effective.

At this time, your child will get sick and wake up in a pool of vomit. Lovely. He will be off his food for some time, and you will wonder, worry but because they aren't feverish, you just think it's a virus or something and will pass. Then a second child will get sick - except she will projectile vomit all over you, all over your besties carpet and lounge suite. You will hold partly digested watermelon and sausages in your hand as you scream for your husband to come and help you. Your bestie will scream for her husband to come and help. Chaos will reign and you will gag and retch at the stench of this vileness. Now your bestie who is a very good sort will scoop up puking child and take her to the shower while you attempt to clean up the vomit. Child will then be dressed into PJ's and then promptly vomit all over herself again, and will continue to vomit into the night. Assume she has the same stomach bug as son and just get on with life.

Days will pass and the kids are still unwell and irritable and you think that this bug must be particularly nasty - until your husband discovers a worm in the nappy of the youngest. Freak out. It's perfectly normal. Totally freak you. Allow utter and complete humilation run over you. Make a dash to the chemist for some worming stuff. You won't feel better at the reassurance from the chemist and ECN that it's common in kids under the age of 4. Your skin will crawl. Your cheeks will burn. It's going to be hell on earth. But... on the upside, in the morning your kids are going to feel ALOT better and will eat like there is no tomorrow! This will be a small consolation.

Now. The car should be repaired. Go and pick up your car. The mechanic will have drained over $1600 from your account - your holiday spending money. Not to worry. You will bounce back. Keep thinking that way. So the blow at the other end is just as hard.

Go to to a resort of some kind - we went to a lovely apartment on the beach near Noosa and relax in the fact your car is fixed, your kids are well and all is going to be ok. Enjoy the beach, the pool in the back of the apartment and all the wonderful things there are to do. Watch lots of Cosby, because it's funny and because it's cheesy. We all need a little cheese.

Upgrade your roadside assist at this time - because who knows? You might need it again. This is a very very smart move. If you don't do this step, you may want to add how to be completely and utterly stuffed to the title of this manual.

It's now time to leave the place you are at and head to your next destination. But in a major town, an hour away, your car must cark it. The alternator cord will be severed and you will be stuck on the road... again. With three kids on a major highway this will turn your hair grey and make your heart pound so hard you will think you are having a heart attack. Let the stressful nausea sweep over you as you try and keep 3 pairs of legs dashing towards semi-trailers that are hurling past you. You will call roadside assist again - and then proceed to empty out the car and try to quickly pack stuff for a night stay in a motel. Thankfully you upgraded your roadside assist membership eh??



The car will be towed away, leaving you on the road with two of the kids, booster seats and bags that were packed in a hurry. Your husband will be in the tow truck, getting a lift to a car hire place. Feel your cheeks burn as every single person who drives past stares at you with curiosity. I exaggerate not. Feel mortified until your husband comes to rescue you with a nice, WORKING rental car. Sink gratefully into the seat and let your cheeks cool for a moment.

Stay the night in a motel. Eat at Sizzlers. It's all going to be ok, It's not a related problem - everything is going to be ok. Repeat this mantra. It's. Going. To. Be. OK. Your mind is now starting to go. You start laughing at the fact that your car has been towed away... again. Laugh. It is ridiculous. It's funny. Laugh like a half crazed lunatic.

Now in this booming town, phone coverage is going to be a freakin joke. Laugh and persevere. Spend 3 hours in Hungry Jacks, munching on cold fries and sipping watery cokes while the kids play and play and play and think they are having such a marvelous time! Meanwhile, because the phone coverage is such a joke, you will get a message 2 hours AFTER the call has been made, that you have a new voicemail - from the mechanic saying the car is ready! You have just wasted 2 hours in Hungry Jacks. Freezing your backside off because it's so cold and you are wearing tanks and shorts. Smile at your blue lipped husband. Don't mind the hypothermia. It wears off.

Right. Now feel secure in the fact that the car is fixed. You have been just unlucky. It's all going to be ok.

Go pick up your caravan.
And head to your destination.

All is going to be good for 3 days. You have a wonderful time, hang with lovely friends, enjoy lovely activities, the feral boy is no longer feral but happy to be free and running around, throwing sticks at trees. All is going well.... Relax a heap now. Your car is whole. It's going to be an amazing last week of your holiday.

Then. Head out... to a major highway. Yes. It's good for things to go to pot on a major highway, because it's so safe for kids to run in front of semi-trailers and road trains. You will hear that terrible grinding motor sound again. Your normally patient husband will start to get ticked off. Laugh. Ok.. make that TRY to laugh. Let the tears fill your eyes. Force a smile, attempt to pray and then grind your teeth with frustration and anger as the car crawls off at the next exit and rolls into a park at a suburb in Sydney.

Yes. This does suck.
Yes. You will slap your head, grind your teeth and throw up your hands in the air and shout "WHY??" This is all part of losing your mind. Nothing makes sense anymore. There is no rhyme or reason. It's all out of your control now. You are stuffed. Embrace this feeling.



You will be towed away - again. Your caravan will be towed away to a caravan park so you can stay there while you get your car repaired. But of course it's a friday afternoon, so nothing is going to happen before monday - so sit tight. Get another hire car and wait.

It's the waiting that will drive you nuts. Your mind is going. You will crack stupid jokes in an effort to make your stressed out husband smile. You will snap at the kids. You will want to set fire to your vehicle so it can be considered a write-off and insurance can take care of it. Consider hiring someone from the Mafia to take care of it. Consider leaving it in a dodgy part of Sydney with the keys in the ignition. Consider buying a gorilla mask from Cheap as Chips and going to the mechanics and beat the living gajeebers out of the car until it's no longer recognizable. Forget for a moment you are a Christian and start thinking about doing illegal stuff. Jail couldn't be any worse than this could it? You will think crazy thoughts, do crazy things - and you are now ready to receive the whammy.

Your car. That car. THE car that won't move without costing an arm and a leg, CANNOT be fixed for less than the car is worth. And what can you do about it? NOTHING. You have no money left because you spent every cent you have on repairs. You have nothing. You can't drive home. You can't fly home and leave the caravan behind. You can't move.

Cry. It's ok. Cry lots. Let that hot lump, roughly the size of that ruddy car, in your throat be released and howl like a baby. I didn't do this part, instead I swallowed that lump, and it physically hurt me. I let hot tears slide down, but refused to really let loose, just in case I couldn't stop.

Consider it.
You owe a considerable amount on this car. You can't sell it unless you pay that considerable amount. Our considerable amount is 16 grand. We have to come up with 16 grand to pay for a car THAT DOESN'T WORK!!! Sit stunned for a moment. It's ok. Reality will hit you in a moment like a kick in the teeth, guts and balls all in one. No. It's not pleasant.

That car has to go to the wreckers. But you can't sell it to them until the 16 grand is paid in full. Feel at a loss. Feel completely and utterly overwhelmed. It's ok. This feeling won't go away for some time. Then make the call....

Call your parents. You need their wisdom. You need advice. You need someone who is not in the situation and hasn't lost their minds to advise you.

Your mother will be extremely compassionate AND does not favour rash decisions. So. She will offer to truck your caravan home, paid for on her credit card, and you will repay her as you can. The car will be trucked home by roadside assist. And you will have to put your tail between your legs and head to the local airport and fly home.

You will feel dejected, upset, angry, annoyed, and extremely depressed. Now top this with a fear of heights and flying. Have your 7 year old girl grip your hand as your eyes fill with frightened tears "Don't worry Mummy. I'll look after you. It's ok. I'm here." Soil your pants at every bump, crunch and unfamiliar engine noise. Try to read your magazines and ignore the dark mass below you. Ignore the pilot's helpful information about how many 30 thousand feet you are above the ground. Refrain from tackling the happy attendants who say in an ecstatic tone "Coffee Ma'am?" Try not to focus on the front of the plane that seems to be on a 45 degree angle as it descends. Grip your 7 year old's hand as you can see houses, cars and people. Close your eyes and whisper a prayer as the plane bumps noisily to the ground and the engines fire up. Feel completely and utterly exhausted, dejected and ready to cry.

Your mind is gone. Your car is gone. And 16 grand is flying out the door.

Congratulations. No certificate will be issued. You have lost your mind, your car and 16 grand!! What more do you want????

So what do you think?? Will this be a best seller or what? Perhaps it will pay the 16 grand and we can get a car that works.





Not to fear, my next entry will have photos of the things we actually DID do that were not hanging about waiting for our blasted car to be fixed.

One sure fire way to look like an idiot.

Step 1: Notice that your son has been complaining of stomach pain for 5 days. Listen to him. Believe him. Then because it's not constant, don't pay that much attention to it.

Step 2: When he comes to greet you from a shopping trip, whimpering about stomach pain, looking pasty, be prepared for the geyser of vomit that will proceed from his mouth and nose.

Step 3: Call Health Direct and talk to them about it - the lovely nurse on the end will direct you to emergency because the vomit from previous step is a lovely shade of yellow. She suspects a blockage or something like that and will tell you that surgery may be necessary. Better to be safe than sorry right?

Step 4: Go to Emergency at the hospital and place whimpering, whingy, writhing boy on a bed and wait, while watching him clutch his stomach.

Step 5: Wait for 3 hours.

Step 6: Notice that after 3 hours, your son isn't complaining about his stomach anymore, in fact notice that he looks incredibly bright.

Step 7: Try and refrain son from climbing and jumping all over hospital bed.

Step 8: Now is the time to get him examined by a doctor, who will hear son enthuse about Leggo and Buzz Lightyear.

Step 9: Get frustrated on the inside because you just wasted 3 perfectly good hours in the hospital because said Doctor will promptly send you home again because he seems fine.

Step 10: Soak all that idiotic feeling in because it will last a while.

Disaster Weekend

This weekend was the long weekend, so we went camping with friends. It was forecasted to have a few showers - so we thought it would be ok.

First of all we got there.... and the awning ripped in two. The cats had finally prodded it with their claws enough for it to be totally destroyed. So we lost a fair bit of living space. Oh well....

Then we found out that the electricity amp thing-a-me-bob that gives us lights in the caravan was completely fried. So we spent the weekend in the dark, apart from the light from the microwave.

Could anything else go wrong?? No of course not....

Saturday morning it was blowing a gale. VERY strong winds. Then came the rain. It poured, it thundered, lightning flashed. It was a very blowy blustery day. We snuck a trip down to the beach when the wind suddenly stopped blowing. We stood on the beach while the kids tried to fly their kites.... no success because it was so still... then the kids gave up and went swimming instead... in their clothes. LOL. R and I stood together, watching a big black mass move towards us, lightning zig-zagging to the ocean, thunder cracking. It absolutely bucketed down and the wind picked up again, blowing a gale.
Flood warnings were released, and we sat and waiting. It wasn't too bad overnight, but on Sunday we were this [-] close to packing up and going home. Sunday afternoon, after a trip into a nearby town we came back to a campsite that had been swamped in water. We tried our best to clean it up. All of our chairs were drenched... it was soggy everywhere. We never banked on yet another storm ripping through, blowing a gale, rain pelting, hail, thunder, lightning... it was crazy!! I watched with horror as the blocked storm water drains stopped taking the excess water and it started to rise. The road looked like a river, the campsite looked like a lake. Our friends tent was on water! It was dreadful! A mouse tried to escape the water and snuck under the tent - and ended up squashed to death instead of drowned. LOL.

The next day we were very happy to pack up and go home.

We got to experience 1/4 of the annual rainful, in less than 24 hours. Not bad.

Next time we are going to camp in the desert!!

I'm cross!

MEMO TO CHILDREN:

Dear Children.

1. Obedience is not optional in this household. What I says, goes. When I speak, it's not to exercise my jaw. When I direct you, I expect you to do EXACTLY what I say. When I say "Eat your apple at the table" - that cannot be interpreted as: "Eat your apple on the lounge in front of the TV."
When I say goodnight to you, tuck you into bed and say "Go to sleep." - that does not mean get up and go play in your brother's bedroom. Or play with your toys. It means exactly what I say - GO TO SLEEP!!

2. Do not lie to me. Refer to point number 1. This is not an option. DO. NOT. LIE. TO. ME. This infuriates me. This will make something that may have not received consequences, very dire indeed. When you chop your hair off, and you have a very ridiculous looking short bit in the middle of your forehead - and I see the long locks on the floor, DO. NOT. LIE. I know it's not your brothers. He has a massive issue with haircuts - he wouldn't even think of cutting his own. Besides, he has short hair. VERY short hair.
I know the body language of liars. Don't even think about trying to pull wool over my eyes. I am THE MUM. I know all. I see all. I am like Santa Clause - I know if you have been naughty or nice. So speak the truth and your life will be worth living. If unsure, refer to point #1

3. Stop being feral. For goodness sake, what is wrong with you all? Do not follow me around whinging. Do not follow me around bleating. Do not follow me around FULL STOP! You have toys! Lots of them! You have brand new toys from Christmas. PLAY. WITH. THEM. You have dress ups, Leggo, train sets, coloring, craft, play doh, water play, outdoor equipment, bikes, tramps, dolls, etc.... PLAY WITH THEM. Why do you feel the need to play with my pegs? Or better still, give the dog my peg basket to munch on for afternoon tea! Do not empty the box of tissues "Just in case" you need them. If in doubt, refer to point #1.

4. Since when has the rule of keeping bedroom toys in the bedroom suddenly become obsolete?? It still stands. So pick them up. Put them in your room. Do not bring them out where I can stand on it, break it - I am not expecting Polly Pocket to be outside my bedroom floor. And while we are at it, WHY are your thongs in MY bathroom????? HUH???? Do not build cubby houses in the lounge and leave it there for me to clean up.

5. And I am going to say this anyway but just in case you are actually listening to me this time:
"Shut the door, the flies are getting in!"
"Play with outside toys, OUTSIDE."
"No you can't have anything to eat."
"Stop dobbing, unless he's killing you, I'm not interested."
"SHUT THAT BLASTED DOOR!"
"Stop making the dog bark."
"WHY IS THAT DOOR OPEN????? Now I know you weren't born in a tent!!"
"STOP throwing things at the wall!"
"Stop jumping on the beds, you have a perfectly good tramp outside."
"I am on the toilet, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"
"Do you have a death wish? SHUT THE DOOR! There are more flies inside than out!!"

And if in doubt, please refer to point number one.

Signed: your ever loving Mother.

PS. If you throw that ball around the house one more time my foot will be so far up your backside, you will have to move my toes aside to brush your teeth!!!!!




*** please understand that this is a vent. I do not intend to kick their oracle so hard that my foot comes out there mouth. I just feel better thinking it.. and writing it!***

Shattered...

.. me. I'm exhausted!! 4 hours sleep last night... and I am getting an average of 6 hours nowadays. I NEED 8 hours to functioned.

I'm not the only one who is shattered.

My lovely Ikea wall unit door is shattered. My darling son decided to test the theory of WHY we shouldn't swing on doors. My catch yell of the month has been "STOP SWINGING ON THE DOOR! YOU WILL BREAK IT!!"

So... I went to the loo, after promising the kids a DVD this arvo. I heard a pop, a tinkle and then screams from EJ and Milly. Milly came running to me - HOW she didn't not shred her feet I will never know. EJ was paralysed and just screaming "MUMMY! MUMMY!"

I walked into the meals area, a good 10 meters away from him, and I see a chunk of glass on the floor next to the table. What the??? I look up and see glass all over the tiles, spread from a massive pile near where EJ was standing. The glass was "popping" like popcorn, creating MORE of a mess and spread. Since when does glass "pop" like that???

So... I scooped up my barefooted baby and my screaming son, brushed them off as best as I could, checked for injuries, and shut them up in the bedroom. Then the clean up began. The glass spread through the house, because Mop came out to see what was going on, and trod in it (she had shoes on thank goodness!) I even found chunks in my bedroom from the stuff that had stuck to my shoes!! Clean up was difficult!! Unfortunately my HUGE pile of clean washing was sitting next to the wall unit, and was COVERED in glass. It was in my endeavour to shake the glass off the clothes that was my downfall - I hidden chunk sliced my finger open and very quickly blood was dripping from my finger and onto the floor. I managed to stop the bleeding, and pressed on. Thankfully Daz arrived home and he finished the clean up while I fed the kids and put them to bed.

Seriously, if any child swings on a door again, I will make them scrub my floors with a toothbrush every day of their natural lives.